I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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