The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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