when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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