I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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