It's Friday. Sex?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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