My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
