ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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