We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize