I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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