my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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