Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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