Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"