Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo