I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize