Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
