Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
