Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
