Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
