please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
