i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize