im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
are you so shy because you have an std?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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