Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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