And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.