she pinky promised me she was 18
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO