the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.