Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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