new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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