She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
