So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
