Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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