fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize