Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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