Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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