OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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