i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
