I am puke
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize