I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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