So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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