Got a toothbrush?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.