everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness