meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
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we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know