I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.