I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name