i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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