I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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