I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
