Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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