Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
