I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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