direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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