Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
