i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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