i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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