Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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