Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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