I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
