I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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